Lie

Is it a lie that I live
Lie that I say
Talk about
Feel
Understand
The longing still there
And getting replaced
The memory of you, strong
And getting faded away
The pain of losing you
And butterflies of love
The emptiness of loss
And the gain of belongingness
The belief of once-in-a-lifetime
And expectations of future
Lie, is it all I lie
Is this world a lie

Longing

You ask me
The progress I made in life
Progress away from you
If I have found any meaning
To my life
And I wonder what should I say
I have progressed even since I met you
And my life found it's meaning
Never to feel lost again
Never to feel alone again
Never to find myself needing
Never to find myself longing..

Nothingness

Miserable
And reason for others misery
Always walked on the paths
I wanted to
Without thinking about consequences
About my own self
Or for the other one
I'm just a dust particle
From the bottom of earth
And you're an angel
Too far away from my reach
I can sometimes fly
Involuntary, with the wind
Hoping to reach you
Touch you
Have a better glimpse of you
From proximity
Miserable
And reason for others misery
Wish to fly away
Either to be one with you
Or with nothingness!

Dare to dare

I will not call you
From your cave
For I do not have the right
I can sit here with my pen and paper
And my muses and raves

I will not pull you
From deepest of your world
I will let you sink deeper
And will call for you without being heard

I will not wish you
Leave everything for me
To not put you in the shackles of my love
And stop you from being free

I will only wait for you
To get back here
You don't challenge my patience
You don't dare to dare!

Right and Just

So used to you
And your love
Time spent without you
Feels so empty
Your insisting on continuing the conversion
And short listing the topics of further discussion
And then never discussing them again
The first call in the morning
And listening to your voice
You insisting on my safety
And being around me all the time
Still asking me if I'm okay with it
Asking if together our worlds rhyme
Of you bringing some random topics
To keep the conversion going
And telling what I assume to be
Isn't and will not be true
Questioning me of my wisdom
And generalisation about love
And telling me you will prove me wrong
For everything that is right
For making the plans of future
And projecting it with me
In the campuses, schools and jungles
We will keep our promises
In the world where I decided never to adjust
You make it sound so easy
And every action of past
Right and just!

My world!

All the songs that started making sense

Now suddenly don't make sense

The things which felt right

Are again wrong and part of some Utopian world

I had some believes

And I was happy with my life

Then you came and changed the outlook

and I started believing in some new world

Now you aren't around

and things are back to they were

And what do I do now?

How do I go back to dystopian world?

Help me go back to normal

Do something which makes me hate you

Now I can't take it anymore

I need to believe it wasn't true!

Mist

Another world

Another realm

When I think about that time

I see a dream

It was something out of the world

It was unbelievable

It was the world of skies and flights

It was the world of wishes and mights

It wasn't part of this earth

I wasn't here anymore

I am sure now that angels exist

Which made me look through water and mists

Brain and heart

I wish love was easy

Just like other things

You can choose and control you feelings

and choose which bells should ring

I wish I had control

To forget and love more

I wish I could change my emotions

and show the older ones door

I wish to be stronger 

but I end up giving up

I wish to make a new start

and align my brain and heart

I hate...?

I hate that I love you this much
I hate that I need you all the time
I hate that even when I want to move on
My heart is here and then again it's gone

I hate that I wanted such love
I hate that I cannot have it anymore
I hate that you pretend not to understand
I hate that I still am in some dreamland

I hate I found that love in you
I hate that I felt what real love is
I wish I didn't know I have that capacity
I didn't know I can make someone my deity

I hate that I can't love anyone again
Knowing what is love
I hate that I can't change your mind
I hate that, to others I am so blind

I hate that my love for you doesn't change a bit
I hate that I still dream about you
I hate this because I am tired of all this
I hate because I don't even have the right to miss!

क्या है क्या नहीं

कुछ सपने जो साकार हुए
कुछ जो नहीं हुए
क्या किसी की ख़ुशी
और किसी का मलाल है?
क्या बीते कल की यादें
और आने वाले कल के सपने भी हैं?
क्या जो पूरा ना हो सका
उसके पीछे भागने
और उसे पाने का जज़्बा है
या कुछ नया पाने और कर दिखाने
का जूनून?
क्या है और क्या नहीं
चाहत है भी और नहीं
मलाल है भी और नहीं
पर यादें हैं
सपने हैं
जूनून है
और जज़्बा है।

ख़्वाब

कुछ अनकही सी बातें
जैसे सुन ली हों तुमने
और जैसे मेरे विचार
पढ लिए हों
ना जाने क्यूं
और
उन खयालों में
तुम भी जानते हो
तुम्हारे हीे सपने हैं
और उनके हक़ीक़त बनने
की चाह
और जबआँखें भरी हो
कल के सपनो से
तो नींद जैसे कोसों दूर चली जाये
और याद रहे वो आज
जो तेरे साथ है
और वो सुनहरा कल
जो तेरे साथ होगा

Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder
If our love to you
Was as real to you to
As it was for me
And then I remember
Your face
When you said I love you
And whatever you did for me
And I assure myself
About that love
Sometimes I wish
If only...
I could make you believe
Make you understand
Convince you to come back
Sometimes I miss
Those beautiful eyes
Those hands that fit in mine
And the way you said I need you
Sometimes I do
A lot of things
Wondering
Wishing
Missing!

I wonder

I wonder what happened
I wonder why I loved you so much
I wonder why you were special
I wonder why I loved your touch

I wonder why I was so crazy
I wonder why I felt it was true
I have felt in love many times
But nothing was as good as with you

I wonder what went wrong
I wonder why you left
I wonder why it happened
I wonder from where it drew it depth

I wonder if I'll fall in love again
I wonder if I will stand at aisle
I wonder if at that moment
I'll wonder it's you who's gonna turn up
I think if that is gonna happen
Coz that's even more scary
With your idol in my heart
Someone else I'm gonna marry!

Aberration

The time passed
And you held me tight
While I talked about everything
What's wrong and what's right

My mind remained somewhere else
And my heart did too
I want to run away
And so, I stick like glue

I explained all my memories
And cried all night
The darkness that engulfed me
That was the only sight

I explained my dreams
And my imaginations
I asked if he's alright!
He said, yes I'm coming back from a small aberrations

Hints and clues

Am I going through what I had
Am I again caught up in the strings
Love is important in life though
But also the other things it brings

I need to understand to accept the way you are
And you do the same
It is more than what you think
It's more than a playful game

The promises and the announcements
Of being there and standing by me
All shatter in one thought process
To be or not to be

Love may be a really tough game
And you've to set your own rules
Without it the structure will fall
Can't survive on hints and clues

Fists

Is this world a misery
Or is this pain
Or it is a pain derived out of misery
Or misery derived out of pain

Do we know what we need
We pretend we do
And run after it
When, how and who?

Is it pleasure derived in between
Coz we're never really sad
Take happiness in moments
In what we have or what we had

And if the limit then crosses
We cease to exist
But we still hold everything
In deep pockets or in shallow fists

Who am I

Why do I base my life
My existence
On someone else
Why is acceptance important
From all and from him
For which I am ready
To pretend
To lie
To take forms
And please him
Make him happy
Stronger
Empowered
And after all that,
I'm left with some part of myself
I'm not sure how much of it
Is me?
Is him?
Is someone else?
And on my deathbed I shall wonder
Who really am I?

Lost

Lost  in the past
We probably both don't know
Don't understand if we are doing it right
If we would melt from ice and snow

To not to repeat our mistakes
Or do it just with perfection
Taking care of every small detail
And showing our affection

Or our we doing it too much?
Are we overplaying?
And feeling lost within ourselves
With some unknown parts decaying

Bloom

I needed seclusion
I needed rest
I wanted to go East
But I headed West

I was deluded
I didn't know what to do
If only I could understand
If only I knew what's true

I was floating in the air
Without a body underneath
I wanted a bed of flowers
Found marks of sharp teeth

I ran till the point
I knew I'd be doomed
In that soil in heaven
My flower will be bloomed

Part of me

Why do I need love

Why do I need someone

Your love was more than enough

You gave me what no one can possibly give

and I can spend my lifetime on that

Those moments that I spent with you

Were no comparison to what I have seen

Why is there still that longing

and still there is satisfaction

I have seen love

and I have felt it

Sometimes I wonder if it was real

Or it was just a dream

I will always appreciate the love

You will always be a part of me!

Surmised

I wonder if I deserve you

and your love

The dedication and warmth that you have

is a magic from above

I wonder why I can't see it

and why am I not there

When I am all breathless

You provide all the air

I wonder if it can ever be

What I always thought it should

Thinking about it too much

Won't do me any good

I see all the passion

and I feel surprised

Does it still exist in this world

By me, it can only be surmised

Shine!

I feel glad

when I see you

I feel satisfied

When you talk to me

I feel happy

When you come near me

I feel blessed

When you look into my eyes

I feel something

Which I can't define

and I reach some other level

and see my soul shine

Why!

Why, what felt right, wasn't

and what doesn't, is

Why do I not understand

What is it that I miss

Why, what made me happy

Was taken away

Why I need to think more

When I can be swayed

Why, what sounded perfect, wasn't

and that has million doubts probably is

What can be the meaning behind it

What can be my real bliss

Desk!

When I stood at my desk

and I looked at you

You looked thru your glasses

and felt shy

You asked me to sit down

You make those lovely faces

Begging me to sit down

and not look at you like that

But I don't do anything

Don't you understand my heart

My longing for you

To have one more look

To see your lips moving

and whispering I love you

Which only I can understand

or hear and feel

Set me free!

I remember you with your smile

The way you blushed when I looked at you

The way you nodded when I said I love you

and the large spectacles you wear

I remember you with your eyes

The way they searched me

When I wasn't around

and that look, when you finally could see

I remember you with your fingers

The long fingers which fit in mine

The way you held my hand

and they way our fingers intertwine

I remember you with your voice

Always soft, always lovely

The way you made me feel

The way you set me free!

True

I saw somebody yesterday

Who looked just like you

and I looked at him again

passed through, number of times

To let you recognize me

But you kept on doing what you were

And I knew it's not you

It felt nice to see you around

To assume, I can have a look at you

As much as I want

So, till the time he was there

I looked at him and I looked at you

and I felt in my heart

What I know can't be true!

Safe and sound

I have surrendered to your wishes
I have surrendered to your feelings
I have accepted what has changed
I have accepted these new seatings

I have tried to give you my best
Yet I end up hurting you
I know you have moved on
Not sure, if something I want to do

I hope you get to fulfill your dreams
This time around
You get to live your life
Safe and sound

Petals and ferns

I don't know why
I don't know how
I'm feeling trapped today
I'm uneasy today

You don't do anything
Still you get on my nerves
Is there something wrong with me
Am I suffering a curse

Why do things make me so afriad
Why do I think of my past
Like the pictures of kaleidoscope
Memories move before my eyes so fast

I'm afraid of making the same mistake
I'm afriad of getting involved
I can't bear so much of intensity
Where around you my life just revolves

I'm afraid of again getting dependent
Of not been able to choose my ways
I don't like being taken care of everything
That's not how I can spend my nights and days

It doesn't mean I don't respect you
Or your concerns
But please know I am made of flesh and bones
Not petals and ferns!

Whatever it takes

The past affects us

and our responses

You seem alien to me sometimes

To me, sometimes I see resemblances

I sometimes say what I don't mean

To hurt you deliberately

and say those words

Which I spit bitterly

And later I regret

I know what I should have done

What I already have said

Can't be made even

I would try to learn

From both of our mistakes

I would try to make it better

With whatever it takes!

Rendezvous

There are some moments
Which change your life forever
And you're changed in that one second
You consider it as life's endeavour

When the tents of lives are unzipped
By the wind of love
Then you sit wondering
If it was easy or too tough

When you open your gates to it
And take a drink or two
You realise sitting by pool
Life can just be a rendezvous!

Show

I am sorry what I asked
It didn't mean a thing
I didn't imagine it going there
I need you more than anything

I'm sorry what I asked
You are everything to me
I couldn't imagine that myself
Would die if that's what I have to see

I'm sorry what I asked
I just expected something else
I just wanted you to understand
In your brain, was trying to put some sense

I'm sorry what I asked
I want you to know
We both need each other equally
That's all I'm trying to show!

Mi amor

You say I'm complete
I have everything I need
I can be anything I want
My own mind I can feed

You say I'm complete
There's nothing I may need
I have what it takes
Those unknown desires I lead

I say I need you
Coz you complete me
If I already were
You, I wouldn't have seen

I say you don't just complement me
You give me what my soul craves for
You make my life you make my world
You are everything to me, mi amor!

When I meet you

We started together sometime back

and the words became memories 

and we developed a bond of love

and then suddenly you decided to change your path

Take some other route 

and leave me here for the aftermath

We started on a road

Divided in two

And you chose the other road

Into the mountains

Flying in the air

Probably that is what excites you

And I am gonna remember all the stories

To tell you when I meet you!

Figments

I am glad you came

I am glad you made me feel

I am glad you know I am numb

I am glad with me, you are ready to bleed

I know I am not free

I know I am shackled

I am glad you understand

Before you I can even choose to babble

I don't know why but I feel full

I don't know why I feel I have seen it all

I will try to let loose

I will try to rise before I fall

I hope to find love but I am not sure

Am I pushing it away thinking that's the cure

Don't know till when will you be patient

In process of collecting those bleeding fragments

My thoughts aren't mine, they seem ancient

Is it reality or just a figment!

Afraid

Love is scary

Even when it leaves

It hovers around

It stays

It leaves you sleepless

Speechless

Sightless

Even when you try to sleep, say something or see

You feel baffled

Waters aren't silent

and you are afraid to swim

You hold on

Keep yourself stiff

Afraid of getting pulled by the deepest parts

Of yourself

Cadence

You have changed my life from sad to happy

You have changed me to something I always wanted

You make me feel beautiful you make me feel nice

We treat each other like we are so wise

The morning walks and tea and the buns

The morning light and bright sun

The smile you give me when you see me

And complimenting me in a way

Like I am beautiful anyone can ever be

The chit chat and exchanging looks

My day ends with your words

I dream of you even when I wake up

Life has become smooth, nothing is abrupt

The flow of time that we don’t count

When we are with each other

The love has given us such a power

All the problems we face I know will surmount

I am glad we have leanings from the past

The needs are clear and skies of love are vast

I am glad we have been broken once

My heart filled with your love produce beautiful cadence!

Whim

Things were special

and so were you

But my eyes saw

what they never could

That's why it felt so special to me

You gave me what I needed to be

and then another storm came

and I didn't know what to do

I was trying to collect souvenirs of your love

and it washed it all away

and when the winds settled

I saw a new world

My world has been small

I didn't know a thing

I realized I can have another set of wings

The are brighter and larger in size

The world is wider

and I can't stop dreaming

And I know I couldn't have understood it

My needs, my love, my feelings for him

Don't know if its His plan or just my whim!

Set!

How cold how harsh

Do you even have a heart

My words my requests

and your heart - East and West

You talked you cared

You remained here in my heart

I waited and pleaded

Cried and Waited

But you didn't change

Drifted out of my range

Now I know if my love hasn't changed you yet

Then this sun is supposed to set!

Transit

I have my world

and that is small

I don't want to understand

I don't want to learn

The complication and the dirt

That the world has

I don't want to mix with that

Just want to be inert

Give me space

and keep me away from it

I haven't reached my destination

Just in transit

Best Moment

You went past me

Without looking here

and I know you wouldn't

You couldn't

But I wait here

For you to come back

Pass through that road again

For one look

I know you will come

I know you want a look too

And in that one look

We are gonna find the best moment of the day!

प्रतिबिम्ब

खिड़की में बैठी वो
पर उसका प्रतिबिम्ब

देख रही है बाहर वो

जहा खड़ा हूँ मै

जनता हूँ देख रही है उन पहाड़ो को वो

और

वो पानी की बूंदे जो शीशे पर आई

उस प्रतिबिंब का हिस्सा बन के अलग चमक.आई हैं

वो कान की झूमकीयाँ जो मुझे छेड़ रही हैं

हिलते हिलते उसके गालो को चूम रही हैं

मैं तो बस एक टक लगा के उसको  देखता रहा

ना जाने कब ये चेहरा नज़र आए

मैं ये  कैसे असमंजस में हूँ 

शायद उसे ही कुछ समझ आए

Blessing

To indulge in beauty
And take pleasure from it
That's also one of the blessing
You can have in life

To enjoy the rains
To feel the water
That's also one of the blessing
You can have in life

To smell the fragrance
Of soil after the rain
That's also one of the blessing
You can have in life

High

Sitting by the water
Under the full moon
When my plate of full of love
When I consume it full spoon

Kissing you here
Feeling this love
Life seems so simple
There's nothing which is tough

Under the white clouds
In the dark sky
Holding your hand
Makes me high

Capable

In that beautiful place
In this beautiful night
Talking to you
Sitting by your side

In this world
Of blacks and white
You are my orange
You're that stream of light

When the sky is full of clouds
When its all dark
I can still see you there
You are my pole star

Even when the waters are rough
And my raft isn't stable
I know we can survive
I know we are capable!

Beyond explanations

The strong winds
Chilling
Piercing thru the clothes
The newly formed clouds in the sky
Black
The lightening
The thunder
The sign of rain
The tap tap sound
And walk in the rain
And then the rain increases
And everything is blurred
The roads and the mountains
On the side of the river
The river jumps to welcome the rain
To touch the sky
Happy like a child
The soil gives a fragrance
To welcome the rain
And all my senses are satisfied
Indulged
And I'm happy beyond explanations!

Dense

Can I contribute anything to this world
Am I living in some dream
Am I just pretending to be something
And lost in what I assume is serene

Am I just moving away from reality
And living a hollow life
And when the glass will break
It will hurt my own eyes

Have I become a hopeless for life
And think about something else
My own thoughts are confused
Brain is too heavy and dense!