Test myself

My grief for you
Isn't sad
You won't believe that
But it's true

I've changed and living life
Won't have done that if I were your wife
You won't have stopped me
But life's lessons don't come easy

I'm different in many ways
I learnt because I paid
I've to test myself again in harsh waters
Am I a better human being or a better daughter!

Giver or taker?

You standing there
Looking at me
Laughing
Laughing out loud

My hands full of love
I washed them in the river
Forgot it will wash away
Take the last light from the ray

I ran and I swam
But what flowed with river
Is never coming back
It's long gone and mingled with the river
She, who's a taker and a giver!

Thoughts

Sitting alone
And looking out of the window
While the bus moves forward
And the roads slips like a carpet
Wind touches like velvel
my skin
And the trees cross
Move backwards
And the thoughts are far away
Beyond the scenery
And the world
In that single moment
When thousand thoughts are there
And they stare back and glare!

Artificial?

IWho am I
Am I what I think I am
Or what others think

Am I defined by my actions
Or my thoughts
Or both
Am I defined by my misery or pain
Or my happiness and gains

Am I what I pretend to be
Or when I'm not pretending
Am I what when I abide the rules
Or is it when I am free

Am I too complex or too simple
Can I be defined in a word or two
Do I go deep or just superficial
Am I pure gold or just artificial..!

Definite or indefinite

The color of moon
The blood of heart
The falls in the mud
The faith falling apart

The righteousness of human
The shadow of the light
The blasphemy deliberated
And all the blackness in white

The temparary nature of permanent
The rebel in me is obedient
The pain in the happiness
Everything indefinite is definite!

My love for you!

You are part of my existence

I don't miss you anymore

You are not different from me

You are part of my core

Coz you are assimilated in me

I look at myself and ask who is she?

Being this new, I am only glee

Captured by you, I am only free

The look of me, no one will recognise

I just look the same, only wise

My blood, my skin everything is you

The more I fell in love, the more I grew!

With or without you?

I am running

To get something I don't have

and to have you, back!

And measure those long tracks

I wonder if this is what I want

Or is it just to fulfill a dream long lost

Is this what is gonna rejuvenate me

or is the fire already exhaust!

Can your name be replaced

Or can your origin

Am I running too fast

Or just being chastened

It all looks same

Or even better at times

Is it a down-way slope

or an up-way climb?

My heart!

The candid look on your face

The words and the silence

The things you said

With such beautiful cadence

The coming to me and going away

The smile that my words bring to your lips

The concentration with which you listen to me

and replies of those lovely quips

Looking at you when you slept

The peaceful way in which you dreamt

In my heart, the way you stepped

Everything you do, my heart you swept!

Enjoy the life more

Differentiate between words and the feelings
Differentiate between what's gone and what's coming
Differentiate between love and liking
Differentiate between life-living and not living

Love when you fall in love
Not when you need to
But smile whenever you can
Not when you have to

There is always an end to the beauty
There is always a last door
It's only when one is not afraid of death
He enjoys the life more!

Mountains of Garhwal

The changing shades of trees
Going Golden yellow from green
The sun setting
and the shadow falling on the mountain

The chilly wind
and the fragrance of the pines in the air
The streams crossing the roads
Even the thoughts are too clear

The bumpy ride
and the window seat
Yes, I am in the mountains of Garhwal
All my senses, are in thrall

Too dark and black!

When the beauty of the world is not enough
You knock inside your heart
and there, if you are lucky
You find all the beauty of the world

And then, when the world revolves around you
That changes the perception too
Darkness shows the path away from light
Your judgement is clouded and you lose the sight

Then the sun shines on the other side
It is still bright, nature's rules it abides
Your world misses something - something it lacks
You see, it has become too dark and black!

Yearn!

Angry, too angry!

for everything you say!

Things you haven't said yet

but you are gonna say

I don't wanna understand what you say

'Coz even if you don't know - words hurt

I wanna move away from every such thought

There is nothing in our hearts, only dirt

I don't wanna use ugly words to you

I know where I belong

Putting up with you all this time

I should have accepted it to be wrong

Anger will take me nowhere

I am gonna suffer for nothing in return

Have to make a list of new wants

Away from what I always yearn

Boy, yes you do!

Boy, yes you do!

You make me wanna write a song for you

Make me wanna blow kisses in your way

Leave everything and just be with you

O Boy! yes you do!

You make me wanna say words I never felt

Make me wanna dance when I hear your voice

Leave everything and in your arms, just melt

O Boy! yes you do!

You make me wanna dream of what's coming

Make me wanna dream about the future

Leave everything and plan from what I've been running

Gain or Loss!

The right is opposite of left
Or it can be, of wrong
Is it a poem without music
Or it can become a song

Do we get stillness of the sea
Or we get washed away by river waters
Is it living life to the fullest
Or it's just a quarter

Do we cry because of no clue
Or because of what we know
Is our boat sailing on our terms
Or waiting for someone else to row

Is that path too lonely
Or is it too tough to cross
I walk on it to see the light
Without worrying about the gain or the loss!

Loose or win?

The beauty of love
And not finding your God
When I smile at Him
And He too nods

Of being able to do His kirtan
Of being able to praise His name
And then if you find Him
Does it dampen the flame?

The happiness of Him being there
Of you knowing about Him
Having Him with you or you being with him
Who can tell, when you loose or when do you win?

Due

You were an atheist
And you made me religious
You have made it plain and simple
When everything was so tedious

I believe
And I have faith
Something I can hold on to
When everything else fades

I know the love
What it really is
Even when you aren't there
It can never cease

I pray
I worship
When I think of you
As if life has given me
Everything that was due!

Why!

​

We were separated

but that didn't change my love
Sometimes we don't know what we want
and We want clarity

We know the value of things
when it leaves us

and May be I needed time

To understand, to figure it out
and to love you even more than what I have ever had

I guess it's even better

I can never regret my decisions now

The alone time made me clearer

Shining in your love ever

Doesn't it show my love is eternal

and it is here to stay?

Why do I have to prove myself?

That I have always loved you!

Downslide

What can I do
What can I say
I am too ugly
For the claim I lay

I let you go
When I could have anyone
But now I know my heart
It's pretty much done

Now I got outside
What I'm inside
And I know I am on a ride
Which only has downslide!

Lyrical

Sometimes you know
That you have lost somebody forever
You know you're been stupid
When you were trying to be clever

Sometimes you know
Whatever you do
They aren't coming back
But you still wait for that
Coz emotions aren't just white and black

Sometimes you know
This person can't be woo'ed
Even when you try to charming
You come out as pushy and rude

Sometimes you know
You can just pray for a miracle
Coz I know when we get back
It's gonna be just lyrical